“It’s worth a look,” says Jack.
Captain Harkaway flourishes his cape with a dramatic gesture, and suddenly a shining green treasure chest appears. Jack is impressed with the trick but hides it under the feigned disinterest of a window shopper.
“Then welcome to Captain Hank Harkaway’s Haberdashery!” cries the pirate. “I’m famed for offering Boutique Booty for the Couture-Conscious Corsair! If ye want to be taken seriously as an adventurin’ man, ye need fine clothes!” Harkaway pronounces, slapping the top of the chest. “Clothes-Horse here is stuffed with the finest! Of course, a man of action such as yerself wants function as well as fashion. How about this fine, red-striped shirt? Glows in the dark! Excellent for the dungeon-crawler who wants to keep his weapon hands free – no torch or lantern required! Or if yer a seagoing fellow like me, the green-striped shirt might be more yer thing – glows underwater! Perfect for tussling with the monsters of the inky depths – or for midnight rendezvous with a beguiling mermaid, eh?” He gives Jack a broad wink.
“For more serious fare, I have a Cloud Cloak, guaranteed soft descent if ye fall off the rigging of a ship or a Beanstalk high in the air. Or my Canoe Clogs – they’ll have ye walking on water! Or if ye really want to spend some time with that mermaid lovely, try a dose of Oxyale, lets ye breathe underwater. Want to do away with yer mermaid’s meddling father? A doze of Toad Venom will do the trick. Remember, everything costs gems, not Gold! And if yer strapped for cash, try a Bucket O’ Bilgewater on me! Guaranteed to restore health and vigor, good for gout and bad eyesight, a teaspoon before bed will make ye move yer bowels in the morning – guaranteed! And that’s just a few of the health benefits!”
Jack is dizzied by the pirate’s patter. Seeing his expression, Harkaway leans in with a conspiratorial smirk. “Maybe yer interested in something … more? Care to see the oddments? I don’t share ‘em with just anyone.”
Captain Hank Harkaway’s Haberdashery
Boutique Booty for the Couture-Conscious Corsair
Red-Striped Shirt (glows in the dark!): 1 Ruby
Green-Striped Shirt (glows underwater!): 1 Emerald
Cloud Cloak: 2 Diamonds
Canoe Clogs: 2 Diamonds
Oxyale (1 dose): 1 Ruby
Toad Venom (1 dose): 1 Emerald
Bucket O’ Bilgewater (comes with lid): Free!
To see Captain Harkaway’s “Oddments” Menu, turn to 31.
If you think Jack should test the captain’s claims about the health benefits of bilgewater, turn to 99.